Keep It Simple, Stupid

In a world that constantly twists itself more complex and complicated, we must rely on little reminders that urge us to keep it simple. Same goes for accessories. I feel like everywhere we turn bags and shoes and jewelry alike are screaming for attention, trying to become bigger, badder, with more ropes, tangles, and twists just to outshine its trendy predecessor. New body parts are being created just to keep up with all the accessories. Frankly it's giving me an anxiety condition.

That's why -- even though I am a pioneer for the original, unusual and totally out-there accents -- I am championing simplicity this week, finding solace in the stable pieces that are so obvious, they're unique. Like this gold ring, which formerly was my mother's wedding band when she was too fat (read: pregnant) to wear her diamond encrusted one. I like to pair it with stacks of bangles or necklaces that ask for a hint of gold on my hands. And I wouldn't want any of my already existing body parts to feel left out.

Writing Style

Whether you’re writing a grocery list, or writing as a journalist, it is imperative that you have the highest quality, best functioning tools. This gorgeous horn and feather pen does not qualify as either. In fact, it sorriest excuse for a pen this writer has ever seen. It is, however, super chic, like a modern-day quill… And as an accessory enthusiast, it simply cannot be ignored.

So in today’s battle of style vs. function, style emerges the victor. Yet function is not completely lost: the pen doubles as the perfect keyboard duster.

Fake Out

I spent my teen years obsessed with designer items. So much that I would sleep in Juicy sweatpants and started to believe that Kate Spade was my best friend. But I've wised up in my old age and concluded that, frankly, I don't really give a shit. Gucci, Fendi, Louis Vuitton... whatever. That's not to syt that the work they produce is not utterly gorgeous or worth the price on the tag -- I just believe that wearing name brands doesn't necessarily make you any better dressed than a person wearing an anonymous brand. For example:

  

During a trip to Italy about three years ago, I stopped into Roberto Cavalli and ogled over this horn necklace that was hanging like a ripe fruit around a mannequin's neck. Normally, when I have such a physical reaction to an accessory, it's a no-brainer: I buy it. The only thing stopping me in this case was the fact that this necklace was $550. And by dollars, I mean euros. Morally, I had to pass, but I was emotionally distraught. 

You know how people say 'everything happens for a reason'? I usually hate that shit but in this case it was true. When I got back to the states I went shopping (shocker) and stumbled upon this little number: 

 

 My horn necklace is now one of my go-to faves. I bought it for $25 at TopShop on a much shorter chain, which I interchanged with this gold fill chain I owned from 100 years ago. So you decide for yourself -- Are you able to tell the difference between the designer piece and the imitation? Do you even care? You already know my answer.

So this illustrates one of the greatest lessons I learned throughout my fashionista years: don't let the real thing fool you. 

Style Over Function

Okay. So an urn may not be the most ebullient of items to decorate your apartment with, but it certainly conveys specific information about the owner. For instance, it may say something like, "this person is strangely comfortable with daily reminders of death" or, "this person is so well organized, she has already purchased the containers that will hold the remains of her loved ones when they each meet their demise."

I'll let you think whatever you want regarding my ownership of the above urns, but you can't deny the fact that they are unusual and interesting, albeit a little creepy (but before you get weirded out I have you know that they are from Jonathan Adler, not a funeral home). I usually have them speckled in different places all over the apartment and mixed in with other tchotchkes -- they look great when they are slightly hidden behind other elements. It also keeps visitors from feeling uncomfortable.

Do you have any accessories that make people feel awkward?

Tex-TURE! Tex-TURE!

 There is no element to furniture, clothing or accessories that gives a piece more dynamic then texture. In my opinion, texture is oftentimes the difference between chic and geek. It’s a fine (haha! Pun!) line. Take this Jonathan Adler ceramic box for example:

Studs, glorious studs! Without them, this would be just another overpriced ceramic box that doesn’t actually say anything about the owner or the home, and even less about the designer. But with this added layer of texture, it becomes a fixture of style, an item that speaks volumes about a space’s personality and adds to the ethos of the environment.

Be it a printed leather bag, a cowhide rug, or a painting’s heavy impasto, I am and will always be a pioneer for touchable surfaces. So much that I would even start chanting about it (hence the title of this post).

What’s your favorite textural surface and por que?

What Time You Got?

I'm not proud of this, but time-telling is not my strong suit. And what's the point anyway? Analog clocks have sort of become a dead technology since digital has come onto the scene. It is in the perspective of this blogger that the only real purpose for an analog clock is decoration. For your wrist.

This little number is an oldie but goodie from La Mer Collections. And I recently checked -- they have a whole lot more studded, leather and even neon goodness for summer. In fact I just saw this exact watch in rose gold that I think I need. I've had this watch in my inventory for about three years now; it's one of those rare, anti-seasonal pieces that mix and match beautifully with almost any outfit (as long as your outfit is super-fabulous). 

The only downside of wearing a watch is that people ask you for the time, and I don't exactly have the skill set to tell them. I think that's why the iPhone was invented.

On Purpose

Repurposing one item and transforming it into something more functional and wayyyyy cooler is – sadly – one of my greatest thrills in life. And the following may be my greatest re-creation yet.

I will give a virtual high-five to the reader who guesses what these printed rabbit fur pillows once were.

…Or, I can just tell you. Once upon a time, those pillows were actually a vintage fur coat. Though the coat was delicate (and by that I mean the lining was attached to the seams like patches of psoriasis) and a little too big (and by that I mean I was a gold tooth away from being a pimp), I loved the print, and knew that one day this piece would come in handy. A couple years later, in a stroke of genius, I realized that its greater purpose was to become an unconventional piece of furniture. And, viola! Stylin' pillows.

Now, if I can only figure out what to do with the sleeves of the coat… leg warmers, anyone?

A belt as a necklace? A headband as a bracelet? What accessory item have you repurposed?